you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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