i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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