Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
