I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
do herpes really smell.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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