Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
