If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
4 words: hood of his car
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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