How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
