I looked at my own cervix.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
