And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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