Tell her she can't have a vagina
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
