I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
