In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
