Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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