Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize