thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
