I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
