Ketchup is God's man juice
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
