Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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