FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
