Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
