Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
