I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
