even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
