we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
