suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
