omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
