I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
