Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize