Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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