I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
