he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
