Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
