I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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