I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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