eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
