The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
