I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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