i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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