so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
