His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it because I queefed?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
