My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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