Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
