Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
