hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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