Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
