Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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