About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
