I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
