yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
