we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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