if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
