Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you didnt know i had herpes?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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