Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
