I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
