U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
