hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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