hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
