When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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