The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize