i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
