I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What happened to fro yo and sex?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
