Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I puked a lego.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
