You were right. It hurts to walk today.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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