our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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