at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
