Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
