I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
