I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
