I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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