Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
