the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
