question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
