Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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