you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
