He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
