Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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