I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
