I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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